Hands-On Ass-Essment – Lucy Mendez

Love is a bizarre beast. It makes you ignore red flags, gloss over glaring flaws, and convince yourself that snoring is “kinda cute.” But every once in a while, reality kicks down the door. Take our protagonist, for example. One minute, she’s basking in the glow of romance. The next, she’s discovering that she’s a certified bore in bed, a true starfish of passion. Turns out, her boyfriend has been spiraling into a quiet depression, because he’s tired of feeling like a one-man circus act. Now, many couples would see this as a cue to part ways, chalking it up to “sexual incompatibility” (a polite way of saying “I’m sick of this lifeless routine”). But not our heroine. No, she takes it as a challenge. She dusts off the cobwebs of complacency, does some research and decides to reinvent herself. Because if love is blind, then sexual mediocrity is its seeing-eye dog, leading relationships straight into the abyss.